An Incredible Gift

It's a new day. However it started the same way it has for months now. I wake up. Either by alarm - internal or external. Then I lay there, begging God to 'not make me get up'! I tell Him I'm tired and although I know I have lots to do, I don't want to do it! (I can hear you laughing at me!) And God sighs a huge sigh of exasperation. "Not again", He thinks. "She is getting so whiny, sounding more and more like a baby with each day that passes. Why doesn't she just grow up?"

Poor God. He really has to work with me. I remember asking an evangelist a question one time, regarding a message he had delivered, and as I waited for his response, hoping for an answer that would satisfy the burning question I'd had within me from the time I heard him preach it, he simply smiled at me and said (in his Virgin Island's accent) "Sistuh Mahtin, I bet you give God a hawd time." Yup, that's me -- the one who gives God a hard time.

I have, in my possession, something that holds no monetary value, but I wouldn't part with it for the world. It was mama's. It hung in her window for years, and although I saw it there all those years, I never paid alot of attention to it, until the last six weeks of her life. It says, "Each new day is an incredible gift from God." I don't know where she got it, or even when, or how, but I realized it's importance as she lay in her hospital bed by the window where it hung in her last days. I especially realized how important it was to her when my sisters and I decided to decorate that window with Christmas decorations for her to enjoy during the Christmas season. We thought nothing of removing all of her window things and replacing them with Christmasy things....until she became highly disturbed to find that we'd removed that particular item. Each new day is an incredible gift from God. Needless to say, we quickly added that back in among the Christmas decor. Then, I began to realize this truth, "Each new day is an incredible gift from God."

That truth hit home again yesterday when, in the busyness of all that I had to do at the office, I stopped to make a quick call to order a port-a-pot to be placed on our new campus that's being built, for a camp-out that's scheduled this weekend. (I KNOW you are wondering where on earth this is going, or if I'm even remembering what I started to write about, but bear with me.) I ended up getting Jamie, the guy who works for the company and delivers to our particular area. I was just going to leave a quick message and get back to my newsletters which I needed to get done and mailed. Sigh. That was not to be. Jamie was in a conversational mode. He was incredibly upbeat. It was Monday, for goodness' sake! Aren't they s'posed to be dreary? Not for Jamie. He went on and on about how blessed he was, how good God was -- giving his friend who is dying more days to enjoy than the doctors thought he would have. It put me to shame.

Sometimes my life is so hectic I want to say, "Stop the world, I want to get off!" Then I remember, "Each new day is an incredible gift from God." It was for mama, who's days were numbered. It is for Jamie and his best friend, who has cancer and is not expected to live. Jamie is counting his friend's extended life 'an incredible gift from God.'

And so.... in spite of numberless days where I'm so tired from physical difficulties, and endless activity, I realize that, hey, considering the alternative, "Each new day is an incredible gift from God." And when I unwrap it anew each morning, I'm going to treat it as such -- an incredible gift.

Places I Remember

My long term memory is pretty good. My short term memory doesn’t like me. It must be so because it’s never there when I need it! A friend once told me, “You remember everything!” In fact, we reconnected in the past year, and the memories of our childhood days came flooding back. It was pleasant and painful at the same time. Very often, “Memories (as the songwriter said) light the corners of my mind.” I’m one who often reflects on all of these memories – the good, and the not so good. Some people take the past, people, and relationships and frequently move on – putting all of these behind them. In some cases, that’s necessary. In others, you lose a part of who you are and how you’ve come to be that way. That’s not me. I’ve learned from all of these experiences and relationships. They have formed me and shaped me, the painful and the sweet, and I don’t want to lose those memories.


A good part of my life has been composed of losing contact with people very dear to me. Sometimes it has been because of death, other times because of relocation, and then there’s the times of just parting ways because of the inability to see eye to eye and the discomfort of trying to communicate but having that ‘thing’ between the two. It’s been several years now that I finally concluded that these ‘losses’ were God’s way of teaching me to not hold to tightly to people, places or things. That’s an especially important factor if you’re in ministry, because when God tells you to move on, you must move on.

In the last few years of his life my daddy seemed to be haunted by the memories of his past. Strangely enough, his memories of fighting in World War II kept hidden in the deep recesses of his mind, possibly because those memories were so unspeakable. But I would often go in the Nursing Home to visit him, and he’d be reliving the death of loved ones from long ago. One that he relived over and over was the death of his Aunt Grace, who was very special to him. He would tell me he really needed to go to her funeral and how much he was going to miss her. Another time, it was his cousin who had passed away at the age of 34 and left 3 young children. It was daddy’s responsibility to inform those kids that their dad was never coming home again. He would say over and over, “That was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

A friend from long ago once shared the lines of a song with me, and it often comes to mind as I reflect on all of those with whom my life path has crossed. As I see the worlds of this song, I see faces…relive experiences…feel warmth….or pain…I often even laugh. Why? Because of the wealth I have in people who have touched my life in some way that has forever left an embedded image in my heart and mind.

There are places I remember all my life,
Though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain.
All these places have their moments
Of … friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I loved them all.

Often when I’m in the quiet places, my mind wanders back to those in my past that I’ve loved deeply, most of them now gone, and I ache to see them again, to communicate with them. Maybe they’re not gone, but we’ve lost touch. I’m not sure which is harder, those who have passed on, or those with whom I no longer have contact with. Either way, when I’m reflecting on them, I’m thanking God that He ever allowed our paths to cross. I have such a rich heritage of Godly people who have come into my life that have forever altered me and have been the bedrock of foundation thru Jesus that I’ve been able to build upon. I’m so thankful for those dear people that God placed on my path of life that has left me with good memories.

I DON'T BELONG

I’ve been noticing from my window at my computer desk what seems to be a Hummingbird Reunion. They are everywhere! If they’re not feeding from the potluck at the hummingbird feeder, they’re deep in conversation, relaxing together in the living room of our chestnut tree.

I’m not real familiar with this concept of family reunions. I’ve only been to one or two in my family and they were very small and I can’t say that I got real acquainted with family members that I didn’t know real well. Strangely enough, as I thought about it, I thought, even my immediate family I don’t know real well. I have brothers and sisters that barely know me and vice versa. I pretty much feel as if I don't belong. Sad, huh?

Maybe I have the feelings of not belonging because of my ongoing battle with depression. If there’s anything that makes one feel so alone and alienated, it’s depression. I can’t explain that – but I’m sure anyone who’s had a history of depression/mental illness will know what I’m talking about. I feel somewhat like a stranger in this world. It’s okay, though. I’ve learned not only to deal with it and live with it, but am aware that it’s the perspective of a Christian. We are but strangers and pilgrims on this earth. Our lives are but vapors or mists which is why we’re not to store up treasures on this earth. That’s why the feeling of alienation is often very persistent, and it should be for we Christians! I don’t belong here. It kinda makes me feel good to have the bible describe me as a stranger. Everybody else pretty much tells me that, so when the bible verifies it, and tells me it’s because my home isn’t down here, but ‘up there’…..then I can tell people that Jesus deliberately made me this way!

We studied that in our Discipleship Class at church this week. We talked about Heaven, and our perspective of it with regard to this present world and the ties we have to it. It was a good study. It made me more anxious to go home. Home. Where mama and daddy now reside. Home, where my sweet brother, Pat now lives. Joni Eareckson Tada in her book “Heaven” calls it “The land of ‘no more’s’ ”. Revelation 21:4 describes it, but in Joni’s words….”No more sorrow, crying, pain, curse, and – praise be to God – no more death.” Heaven will be “an undoing of all the bad things we know as God wipes away every tear and closes the curtain on pain and disappointment.”

I don’t belong here. I'd rather be in a place where I feel like I belong....someplace like home. So I’m packing my bags for home – the land of no more’s. For me that means no more back pain, headaches, depression, disease. No more Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Communism. No more Wesleyan, Baptists, Methodists, Catholics, Presbyterians, Mormons. No more cyclones, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods. No more famine, killing, Cancer, Aids. No more sin. No more feelings of not belonging.

There are so many songs written about heaven. Here’s just a few lines from some that I’ve had on my mind lately.

I DON’T BELONG Buddy Green & Gaithers

I don’t belong and I’m going someday
Home to my own native land
I don’t belong and it seems like I hear
The sound of a “welcome home” band
I don’t belong, I’m a foreigner here
Singing a sojourner’s song
I’ve always known this place ain’t home
And I don’t belong

GOING HOME Bill & Gloria Gaither

Many times in my childhood when we'd traveled so far,
By nightfall how weary I'd grow;
Father's arms would slip 'round me,
So gently he'd say,
"My child, we're going home."

(Chorus)
Going home, I'm going home,
There's nothing to hold me here;
Well, I've caught a glimpse of that heavenly land,
Praise God, I'm going home.

Now the twilight is fading and the day soon shall end;
I get homesick the farther I roam;
But my Father has led me each step of the way,
And now we're going home.

HOME Gaithers?

Home is where the heart is, my heart's on home,
Even though I never really had one to call my own.
But I've been given a key, by the carpenter of Galliee,
And the interests’ paid - the title's made to me.

Home ... where there is no night,
Home... where the Son is the Light.
The place I've been dreaming of so long.
Loved ones there to welcome me,
But His sweet face will be the first I see.
When my journey's over, I am going home.

Everybody dreams... of going home it seems,
And lately I'm no exception to the rule.
But home is so much more...
Than windows, walls, and doors,
It's the warm embrace and the smiling face
Waiting there for you

Life's Nice Surprises

A really neat thing happened after my dad died. It's odd, really -- to hear someone say that. But... once you hear about it, you'll be feeling like you've just watched a Hallmark movie. At least, that's how I look at it.

Daddy died of congestive heart failure on February 21st, 2007. I sat by his bed with my hand on his arm so that he'd know someone was there. I would have talked with him, but I was too choked up. It's very hard to watch someone you love struggling to breathe...and wondering when the last breath will be taken.

At his memorial service on February 24, many old family friends showed up to pay homage to my dad. My brother, Pat, gave a Eulogy that surpassed any I've ever heard. I wish I had it on tape. Not that I'm trying to be morbid, but he so aptly expressed the love that my father had for his children, and how he prayed for them, how he loved my mama.... It was hard for Pat to do, I'm sure -- but he did a superb job.

There at the service was a lady named Susan. She had sung with a quartet that my dad had sung with for years, and her husband was my best friend's dad, and my daddy's best friend. His name was Bob Maddux, and he had gone home to be with Jesus in the early 80's. I so wanted to ask her about my friend, Julie. I hadn't seen or heard from Julie since my college years, and I had no idea where she was, what she was doing. But... I didn't ask Susan. Somehow I was talking with Julie's step sister and she told me that Julie was a teacher in Alexandria, Indiana and that Julie's husband taught in the Delta schools.

I did some sleuthing after that and found Julie! However I didn't contact her right away. I was a little nervous. I mean, SOMETHING must have caused us to go our separate ways.... MAYBE she could care less if she ever saw or heard from me again....

So I waited. And I traveled constantly down memory lane. Julie. We were just little tots when we became friends. We went to the same little country church for the first 11 years of our lives. We spent Sunday afternoons together..... spent the night at each other's homes.... played house... read and shared books with each other... traveled the United States and Canada together. She was my best friend. I never had a friend like her after that. I wondered what she was like now and would she welcome hearing from me?

I finally emailed her. (Got her email address off the school website). After all, she didn't have to answer an email, didn't have to talk to me, and I vowed not to continuously check my email day and night til I heard from her. Alot of good that did! Good thing I didn't follow through on that, cuz she emailed me right back! It made me feel really good to know that she had often wondered about me, too. (And she was glad to hear from me! How cool is that?)

Not too long after we were able to get together, Steve and I, and Julie and her husband, Sam. It just felt so natural and the years just fell away as we talked, traveled together down memory lane, joked about the spats we used to have as kids....

Julie called me last night as she was heading home from work -- just out of the blue. I hadn't talked with her in several weeks, and was feeling sorta down. And after we talked and laughed and hung up I just thanked God once again for opening the door on an old friendship... with Julie.